Thursday, March 08, 2007

Un-useful Idiots

by Escutcheon BlotFirst of all, let me apologize for my long silence...or to some of my beloved readers, for my renewed non-silence.

I have been reading the news from afar over the last few months, and am generally peeved or amused in turn; rarely, however, am I pleasantly surprised.

Ann Coulter:

I must admit, I've never liked Miss Coulter, since I first became aware of her in the 2000 election cycle. And I know that condemnation, criticism and support of her has been done to death, but I just had to add my two Euro-cents-worth. First of all, she, like with John Kerry and the troops, meant what she said. Yes, Virginia, the implication was that John Edwards was, is, and ever will be...a pillow-biter. I will admit that he is a pretentious, tendentious, social-climbing, demagogic, ambulance-chasing, self-righteous, blow-dried lightweight. But...as far as anyone knows...not that way. Actually, I have never understood why anyone not interested in a date of the physical nature with said target of homophish speculation asks this question. I was also guilty of this cheap ad hominism earlier in life, but that sort of thing really be chucked along with all the other sophomoric excesses of one's late teen years.

It is rather startling, don't you think, the similarities between Miss Coulter herself, and her stereotyped targets of scorn (leaving JE aside)? Let's see: Over 40, single, bitter, mean, preternaturally thin, and posessed of hair with a blondness of...shall we say...dubious provenance.

Intellectuals totally lacking in Intellect

Al Gore and Prince Charles
:

One wants us, the middle-class, to live in Medieval Conditions while he, wealthy and priviliged, uses 20 times the amount of energy of the typical American family (nearly 50 times the energy use of the Blot Household last year), and buys indulgences from the new Church of Gaia in the form of 'carbon credits'. Apparently, the Goracle's carbon use is so enormous that he is affecting global warming on Mars (see National Geographic)

The other wants to ban fast food so that we can all stay at home spending hours a day, not earning money to pay taxes, but rather, preparing home cooked meals. Okay if you've a staff of 50, but not if you're living on, say, 50,000 a year. $ or Euros. Meanwhile he continues to live off the taxpayers of some other country...so it's not so bad.

Mitt Romney and Barack Obama:

One changes the substance of his opinions every 3 minutes to win over the latest voter grouping, and the other hopes his considerable style will completely occlude the extremism of his views and the utter lack of a resume.

In their defense, neither should be asked to defend the actions of long-dead ancestors. However, Al Sharpton should be held personally accountable for the actions of kissin' cousin Strom Thurmond...as he so publicly and self-congratulatorily took the possible blood connection to heart.

And, while we're on the subject of trans-islamic extremism(maladriot comic misdirection, EB), read Brit author Peter Hamilton's two part space-opera, Pandora's Star and Judas Unchained for his somewhat allegorial solution to the problem of Islamic Expansionism and intolerance. And he's a cracking good writer. While you're at it, look at his Night's Dawn Trilogy. He's one of the most creative writers in any genre today, and perhaps the most literary of the sci-fi writers I've ever read. And, at an average of 800 pages each...4,000 or so pages of sheer, blood-drenched, google-eyed fun. Bug-Eyed-Monsters....no, I don't mean Gary Bauer.

That's all.

Yours, scatter-shottedly,

EB

9 comments:

odienator said...

I'm not so sure if Rev. Al was congratulating himself for his family being owned by Strom Thurmond's family (yes, Virginia, there is something called IRONY). The news was coming out whether he wanted to or not, because our media loves scandal and smut. I think, for a change, Sharpton didn't go overboard. There was a gravity to the way he handled it. He did a better job than I would have.

It's tough enough to historically know that you are descended from slaves, but when you know, as I do, who owned your family and where some of their descendants are, it changes the dynamic completely. It fucked me up real bad, so I can only imagine what it would have felt like if I'd found out it was someone I knew.

Forgive my Ebonics, but somebody gon' bust a cap in Ann Coulter's fake blonde ass. I'm glad you brought up the fact that Coulter wants John Edwards' dinky. She called him a pillow biter because she wanted to make sure he was straight...so she can bite his pillows. And I don't mean actual pillows. I mean his butt cheeks.

Like I said, if she wants to prove to me she's got balls, call Barack Obama the n-word. Or call Condi Aunt Jemima.

I could never get into politics. Can you imagine? I'd be in jail, and not for civil disobedience either. I'd be there for ass kicking. I'd go on people's shows and whip some serious ass. You'd see the Fox News logo, and it'd be all beat up. Nancy Grace would be bald headed. Ann Coulter would be under an Acme-brand anvil. Bill O'Reilly would have been electrocuted with that vibrator he tried to get his colleague to use. Rush Limbaugh would have 1,000 painkillers forcibly shoved up his nose. Anderson Cooper would be a sex slave for my friend, who said she'd pay big bucks for a night with him.

Politician Odienator? Methinks not. I can see the posters now. A big picture of me glaring at you above the words "Vote for Odie...or I'ma WHUP YO' ASS!"

jeffrey said...

I'm not real big fan of Coulter, either. I think she's smart, but she's also a rhetorical bomb-thrower, which tends to be more of a problem than an asset. I don't sense bitterness from her, though. There are thousands of ways to insult Mr. Two Americas which are more apt - why she went that direction, I've no idea. At least when Limbaugh refers to Edwards as the "Bret Girl," it's funny. If she wants to be outrageous, she should at least make comments that relate to something.

Edward Copeland said...

What no one seemed to note in this latest Coulter brouhaha is that a few months ago on Hardball, she used the same slur against Al Gore, but no one seemed to notice that one.

Dude said...

Where can I get a "Vote for Odie...or I'ma WHUP YO' ASS!" bumpersticker?

odienator said...

EC: she used the same slur against Al Gore, but no one seemed to notice that one.

So she wants to fuck Al Gore too? What an Inconvenient Truth! That makes sense though, as Edwards ran with Gore. She probably wanted them to make a sandwich out of her.

Dude, how about a Vote for Odie bumpersticker, button, t-shirt and campaign poster? My friend is going to make this poster with PhotoShop, and I look incredibly mean in the picture we took. Be the first on your block to have one!

odienator said...

Whoops! I made a mistake up there! Gore and Edwards didn't run together! Ketchup Husband did. Let this be a lesson to our posters: NEVER visit Liverputty drunk! Or if you must, don't post. :)

jeffrey said...

Odie, your ground roots organization is going swimingly! Winning Dude's support (or bumper...he didn't specify) is no small feat as you have continually violated the first rule in his manifesto. I think I'd don an "Odie Whup yo ass" sticker too, if you can confirm that you share my family values, and, of course, that you will follow through on making Anderson Cooper service your friend.

Anonymous said...

I really don't feel the need to say anything, but...

I think Anderson Cooper actually IS that way.

That's what I've heard anyway.

So no service for female friends.

Male ones, perhaps.

And I don't think Coulter wants Edwards tool. He is a very slightly effeminate and not at all slightly vain...making him an easy target for her scurrillity(if that's a word).

Maybe the reason no one paid any attention to the Al Gore slur is that it had absolutely no resonance.

Or like, whatever.

EB

odienator said...

EB: I think Anderson Cooper actually IS that way. That's what I've heard anyway. So no service for female friends. Male ones, perhaps.

Even better. I have a male friend who thinks Anderson is hot (for some reason I can see why people pant over him). So I'll just get another friend the AC service.

Newsflash! Odie the candidate FLIP FLOPPED on his platform!