by Ross Ruediger
Disclaimer: 99.9% of all “facts” should be considered suspect -- humans are too prone to error for anything to be 100% correct.
That said, on with the show…
Art & Media
Some books deserve to be burned.
Most films over two hours probably don’t need to be.
I am incapable of understanding how anyone with whom I’d choose to associate can actively dislike The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
The Wizard of Oz is the single most influential film ever made.
The Godfather flicks are overrated.
Any movie filmed in New Orleans is worth sitting through at least once.
Present day San Antonio has never been accurately portrayed in a major motion picture (and I’ll be damned if I can come up with even a decent TV appearance).
Many movies that take place in either New York or Los Angeles could benefit from being set elsewhere.
Tootsie - the greatest comedy ever made - is not one of them.
The stupidity of Hollywood is clearly demonstrated by its failure to properly tap Dustin Hoffman’s talents over the past 15 or so years. (Wag the Dog is the most noteworthy exception.)
Many consider the ‘70s the best decade for Hollywood films -- this is also true for pornographic films.
Theatrical productions of any nature are better with at least one intermission.
Both Barry Manilow and disco are misunderstood – but that’s all they have in common.
The Beatles were the greatest band of the 20th century. Without them, the soundscape of today would be an entirely different animal…
…which makes me think twice about how great the Beatles actually were.
The most profound idea John Lennon ever put to music was “All You Need is Love”.
His most annoying thoughts, however, can be found in the lyrics of “Imagine”.
The words “Christian” and “Rock” have no business being placed next to one another. Rock ‘n’ Roll is the Devil’s Playground and it always will be no matter how ineptly Christians try to alter that fact.
Johnny Carson will always be the King of Late Night.
Reality TV as we know it today (i.e. since Survivor) has trained viewers to appreciate ongoing storylines on scripted television series.
There’s still value in TV shows without arcing storylines, however a series with an engaging, ongoing story is typically better than most movies.
Aunt Bee was a filthy slut. (I'm sure, however, Frances Bavier was a delightful woman and a professional actress.)
The media should glamorize sex less and masturbation more.
The difference between sci-fi fans and sports fans is negligible…
…yet I am befuddled by those who are both.
The United States, Politics & Religion
The United States of America has largely become a nation of whores.
I don’t believe in the possibility of growing up in this country and not having Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup at least once.
Efficient, reliable, comfortable and cost-effective mass transportation systems are a major key to saving this country.
Age of consent laws often don’t make a whole lot of sense. (Example: Should sexual relations between an 18-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy ever be considered statutory rape?)
I do not understand why marriage is such a big issue for gay people when it doesn’t even work for most straight folk.
Gay unions should be recognized and given the same breaks -- by both employers and the government -- as straight married folk.
Either marriage or divorce should be banned entirely…I’m still not sure which one, though.
Power unquestionably corrupts; however lacking it does not necessarily make for a more righteous person.
The most vocal members of any group typically give the rest of said group a bad name.
Presidents should be able to get blowjobs when and wherever they choose with the only fear of repercussion being that of their partner.
Talking politics is far less engaging than discussing religion.
The world would be a safer place without organized religion.
The Holy Bible is a great work of art written by men (refer back to Disclaimer above).
Faith is a beautiful concept as long as the individual possessing it doesn’t expect others to be on the same train.
My faith is the belief that humanity far more often than not will do the right thing.
Given humanity’s track record, my faith is the best example of faith as a concept.
Technology & Science
Stuff like electronic equipment, computers and cars were once built to last. Disturbing is the notion that now they are built to break down. Given technological advancements, such items should be built even better, not worse.
Even more disturbing is that most people don’t seem to notice or care.
It’s a huge shame that cell phones are slowly replacing more traditional timepieces.
When the revolution comes, people wearing those stupid Bluetooth (sp?) things in their ears as if they were fashion accessories deserve to be the first ones up against the wall.
If your failed expectations of online friends hurts more than your cleaning lady's failure to properly mop your floor -- you've got big problems.
Dinosaurs are the most fascinating creatures ever to inhabit the Earth…
…which would not be the case if someone could prove the existence of mermaids.
Drugs, Alcohol & Tobacco
There’s no proof that secondhand smoke kills. It may irritate, annoy and give people headaches and/or a minor cough, but it doesn’t kill.
A bar that doesn’t allow smoking is like a bar that doesn’t serve alcohol: It’s not a bar.
People should be able to enjoy a fine meal without a nearby smoker ruining their experience…
…which doesn’t mean restaurants should outlaw smoking sections. Ask any waitress – smokers tend to be better tippers.
Tobacco is harder to kick than any other drug you can name.
The worst drugs for you are already legal.
If marijuana were legal, good quality bud would be much more difficult to come by.
The world would be a better place if everybody dosed on psilocybin mushrooms at least once in their life.
If a person is old enough to be ordered to fight or die in a war, they should also be able to legally buy alcohol.
Gin is evil.
Wine should not be served from a box.
The United States is incapable of producing any good beer.
The cause of most of humanity’s problems – no matter how big or small – is the breakdown of communication.
The more potentially embarrassing the admission or confession, the more admirable the person.
Everyone should be allowed to keep some secrets.
Women are attracted to power. This can be exploited.
Men are attracted to those who make them feel powerful. This can be exploited.
People who say they do not notice, fantasize about or fixate on anyone other than their partner are lying.
Personal dramas are created by those who don’t have enough to do.
Gays can be just as (if not more) intolerant of other forms of sexuality as straight people are often accused of being.
Human sexuality is more fluid than most people are comfortable admitting.
The only people who can ever really understand a relationship between two people are the two people in the relationship…and they’ll probably never even figure it out.
People can only give what they’re capable of giving. Your expectations of what they should give are your problem.
Black licorice – you either love it or hate it. Nobody’s on the fence.
Never trust a vegetarian…to prepare you a decent cheeseburger.
Laughter really is the best medicine.
You can read more of Ross Ruediger's deranged, incohesive thoughts at The Rued Morgue.