Godzilla and His Frienemies

Over the past few months I’ve developed a taste for Godzilla pictures, mainly the Showa period up to 1975. I’m no lifelong fan, having only fragmented memories of Godzilla and Mothra on grainy UHF broadcasts, so I learned a lot about the franchise as well as several other daikaiju….and a few things about life along the way:

The Toho franchise is divided into three periods: 1) the Showa Series from 1954 to 1975, 2) the Heisei Series from 1984 to 1995, and 3) the Millennium Series from 1999 to 2004.

The original Godzilla (1954) is a masterpiece - the message, the execution, the characters, the score – it’s all great. There’s nothing campy or silly about it. Even the premise and the pseudo-scientific Oxygen Destroyer® work as well as any sci-fi logic.
And the ominous nature of the beast – totally void of humor or good nature – foot falls like bombs - drives home the seriousness of the picture. It wasn’t till the 60s that the Japanese monster movies started playing for laughs – all the early ones were played straight.

Godzilla wasn’t born, he was hatched.

Rodan wasn’t born either. He was hatched.

Ditto: Mothra.

If you come across an egg the size of a bus, DO NOT remove it to Tokyo.

The same thing goes for foot-long Peanuts that talk in unison or any large and mysterious lizard-like creatures you might come across in a volcano.

If your commuter train or your tank looks like a model, then you’ve had it!

It doesn’t matter what year it is, Godzilla is still a man in a suit. At this stage of my learning at the Geek College of Netflix U (Go Anti-Socials!), I’m unaware of any Godzilla that is not a man in a suit, except a recent cartoon I have not seen. The series has a devoted adherence to the suit, which I think is good for the franchise, though I say that with hesitation, being almost totally ignorant of the later pictures.

After watching The Creature from 20,000 Fathoms, which was the Harryhausen picture made the year before Godzilla, I wondered: what is it that Godzilla has that The Creature… does not? Both are good movies and Harryhausen’s effects, as always, are special. But The Creature… just isn’t as important a movie and could not have launched the same type of franchise as Godzilla. Then the answer came to me: destruction. The Beast leaves a trail of toppled cars and crushed buildings, but not near the scale of Godzilla. The shots of the aftermath of Godzilla’s rampage are horrifying and reflect the total destruction of 1944-45. By comparison, The Beast…is just the story of a giant rhedosaurus who tried to take in the sites of Manhattan one day and ended up getting shot at Coney Island. Happens all the time. Such a story might make the papers on page 18A, but after Godzilla’s rampage there are no papers, not in Tokyo, anyway.

The British daikaiju, Gorgo, leaves a destructive wake in London more similar to Godzilla, but even that wake isn’t as horrifying. It’s interesting to see that the British film focused on the rushing masses going underground to avoid the destruction, which fits the images one often sees of the Blitz.

Mothra is a Grade A monster flick with a maternal twist.

Oh, caring Mothra,
Your wafting wings have destroyed
the fishing village.

The Peanuts, who played the 14” twins in the Mothra pictures, were popular before, though when I asked my resident authority on all things Japanese (Lady T____) she recognized them as made famous by one of the daikaiju, she wasn't sure which. To be fair, The Peanuts were well before her time, and she did recognize the ditty “Mossura”.

It’s bad to keep girl twins locked up for your own profit and amusement, especially if they are 14 inches tall. You know it. Now don’t do it. It’s wrong.

In Mothra vs. Godzilla and Ghidorha, the Three-Headed Monster, the twins are dressed in the latest Tokyo fashions, complete with purses. That leaves open several questions: What do they put in those purses? Would they have had a difficult time at the currency exchange counter at Haneda Airport? What is the exchange rate between the yen and the Infant Island dinar? Does their fingernail polish ball up in normal sized droplets or are those droplets really small? If they are so small, wouldn’t they want tennis shoes instead of heels because they are already at a disadvantage mobility-wise? Many real-life Japanese girls have a hard time finding clothes their size in American stores – being more petite and all – do these miniature twins have a similar problem in Japan?

The case which the twins are transported in….is it padded? Do they strap themselves into seats for safety?

Godzilla hates Mothra and Mothra’s egg with a passion. Come to think of it, Godzilla seems to be threatened by anything bigger than three stories. He’ll emerge from the sea to confront any giant – King Kong, Rodan, Ghidorah, Mothra, those giant insects in Son of Godzilla, etc. He doesn’t care for people either and would just as soon step on them as to argue with them. He's not the type of character who sports a misspelled “co-exist” sticker on his terraplane.

Godzilla is a tail dragger.

Godzilla didn’t make the transition to being a good guy until his fifth picture, Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964), and even then he was a reluctant hero. The conversation between Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra, as translated by the twins from Infant Island, reveals Godzilla’s worldview as eloquently as anything.

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster is my favorite of the series. It’s funny, looks great and has the optimal monster-to-minute ratio.

The atomic bomb metaphor is often brought up with the first Godzilla, and rightfully so. Ishiro Honda’s anti-nuclear pacifism is well known and often finds its way into his films. But I believe the metaphor can be deepened and applied throughout the Showa series. Like the bomb, Godzilla starts out by annihilating Japanese cities, but eventually he became a protector of Japan, much like the U.S. nuclear umbrella.

If you broaden the metaphor to include nuclear energy, then Godzilla fights off the Smog Monster (Hedorah) like Japanese nuclear energy helped offset air pollution of coal and oil.

It’s seductive to go overboard with the Japanese nuclear experience/hang-ups contributing to the creation of the monsters, but, for perspective’s sake, it’s relevant to point out that the rhedosaurus in The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms was the product of nuclear explosions, as was the British Gorgo. Also, it is curious to note that in the American version of Rodan! The Flying Monster stock footage is added showing nuclear complicity in pushing the larva creatures to the surface, yet in the Japanese version no mention is made to nuclear testing. The Japanese version holds natural tectonic shifts in the Earth’s crust accountable for allowing the larvae to emerge and greedy coal mining companies for digging too deep as an explanation for Rodan’s appearance. By adding the nuclear element, the American version convolutes things without adding any plausibility to the story.

By my calculations, Godzilla starts flying in 1971 (Godzilla vs. Hedorah). It’s not very convincing. He curls his body and tail and looks a little like a sea-horse. The amount of atomic thrust from his mouth and the vectoring of it hardly seems sufficient to lift his massive bulk of prehistoric meat off the ground, yet that’s what he does in order to catch up to the Smog Monster. I prefer my Godzilla to be flightless. Whether he’s traveling along the bottom of the bay or over traversing Tokyo, he should be taking the shoe-leather express.

Rodan is a bird like creature capable of supersonic flight. I could not account for the jet propulsion sound effects. Where are his engines? I hate to cry foul on the logic of these films, but come on!

Some of the early scenes in Rodan! The Flying Monster depicting the miners remind me a little of Ishiro Honda’s friend, Akira Kurosawa, as well as their American predecessor, John Ford – mainly in terms of composition in shots, but also in depicting the plight of victims. The scenes of grieving widows and survivors were no doubt familiar to the Japanese in the 1950s.

Angurius is the first monster Godzilla fought, in Godzilla Raids Again (1955). They battled twice. Afterwards, Godzilla retired from the movies until August of 1962, when he returned to the set and did King Kong vs. Godzilla. Angurius teamed up Godzilla and Mothra to battle Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster in December of 1964. Ever since Angurius has been an ally of Godzilla. Anugurius is a born sidekick – smaller, doesn’t quite have what it takes to carry a film on his own, no back-story to speak of, but he’s good to have along on an all monster combat excursion. I’m guessing he packs the lunches and stocks the cooler full of beer and soda for the gang. He gets tossed around a lot.

You never know if an erupting volcano will kill or energize a giant monster, just like you never know if a hastily erected high-voltage fence will hurt or feed one. Godzilla seems to be annoyed by electricity, though in his fight against Mechagodzilla lightning bolts somehow gave him an added power and a magnetic quality. The Gargantuas (Gaira and Sanda) are hurt by electricity, too. But high voltage makes King Kong stronger. So read the hazard alerts for the particular monster you are dealing with AND NEVER THROW FIRE AT GAMERA! That terrapin would be a ruthless judge at a chili cook-off.

In regards to leading daikaiju, one of two things bring them forth: 1) nuclear testing (the rhedosaurus in The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, Godzilla, Rodan [in American version, but not the Japanese version (see above)], Gamera, and Gorgo), and 2) some crime, usually an abduction, as in Gappa or Mothra, but sometimes with old fashion oppression, as in Daimajin 1, 2 & 3.

Non-leading daikaiju – bad guy creatures like Ghidorah, Hedorah, Gigan or Mechagodzilla – monsters that may have their name in a title but never carry the weight of the whole picture – come from other places: pollution, aliens, some guy’s garage.

I keep forgetting that there are really two Godzillas. (SPOILER) The first one was thoroughly destroyed by Dr. Serizawa’s Oxygen Destroyer®. Unfortunately, so was Dr. Serizawa. He was so horrified at the weapon he had created that he insisted he administer the weapon personally to Godzilla, insuring his own destruction and forever hiding the secret of the Oxygen Destroyer® in the process. He thought he was doing the only noble and good thing possible, but, thanks to Serizawa’s good intentions, Japan and the world have no way of killing the second Godzilla, who, within 6 months of the destruction of Tokyo, wipes out Osaka, or any of the other giant monsters that plagued Japan in the 60s and 70s up to today. Presumably, this second Godzilla is in the remainder of his films.

Godzilla suits are like Benji dogs: there are more than you might expect.

When I see Godzilla’s eyes, I’m often reminded of my late cat. You never know how smart Godzilla is just by looking at him (though a scientist in King Kong vs. Godzilla shows a revealing comparison between Godzilla’s pea-sized noodle and Kong's massive brain), but you know when Godzilla is aggravated. My cat, Copernicus, was the same way. Not to mention that they both had similar girthy builds and were pretty clumsy. My cat would constantly knock over table lamps and picture frames with his tail like Godzilla would topple hotels and government buildings with his. I bet if you held Godzilla upside down and dropped him, he would not land on his feet. Neither would Copernicus! The similarities go on and on.

In Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Godzilla is found in the cave on the side of a volcano – half buried in the mud like the Frankenstein monster in Son of Frankenstein.

When I first saw Godzilla’s kid, Minilla, in Son of Godzilla, I thought: ‘Godzilla…buddy…I hate to tell you this…buddy…but that’s not your son.’ But I kept my mouth shut.

Atragon has one of the best animated monsters Toho ever filmed with the underwater sea serpent/dragon.

The chief alien in Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974) is a shape shifting villain, yet he cannot remedy the discoloration of his face? Or does he call that a beauty splotch?

The aliens in that film aren’t so superior in intelligence, either. They built Mechagodzilla, but needed a earthling to repair him.

There a parallels between Toho (Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, etc.) and Daiei (Gamera, Daimaijin): In 1954 Toho essentially created a special effects department from scratch to handle the new genre, then upon the immediate success of Godzilla quickly followed up with a sequel six months later. In 1965 Daiei studios created their effects department almost from scratch to make the first Gamera. After its success, they followed it up with a quickie sequel six months later. I have to give the nod to Toho’s effects team, over Daiei, particularly in regards to the suits and puppets. Gamera never looked animated to me. But both studios put together a lot of great effects, including good model buildings, mat paintings and careful work with water.

Gamera is a mammoth chelonian.

Gamera’s shriek is more hysterical and funny than Godzilla’s siren roar.

A turtle that walks on its hind legs? Sure. I’m not saying that if I came across a real life Gamera I would resist the urge to soil my pants, but I am saying that, on film, Gamera lacks terror. And look! Now he has saved a boy! That can only hurt his daikaiju reputation. Who does he think he is, Mothra?

And he flies? I agreed with the “expert” in the first film when, after the military managed to knock Gamera on his back, he said they had nothing to worry about because, once on its back shell, a turtle can’t right itself. Then Gamera retreats into his shell and out comes the thrusters. But the flames shot outward, not downward, so how could he achieve lift? Nobody sought to figure that out.

Gamera has one of the best and funniest endings of all the giant monster films.

“We have to strike the monster [Barugon] from outside the range of its tongue’s attack.” I’ve often thought this same thing regarding Gene Simmons.

That’s all for now, until I get the gumption to tackle the Heisei series.

Upon watching 141 Ronin

A Japanese tradition for New Year's Day (not sure how far it dates back or exactly how extensive it is) is to watch one of the many versions of the famous Japanese story of the Loyal 47 (aka The 47 Ronin....aka Chushingura). There are countless versions of the story on film and the stage. The picture above depicts a kabuki performance, but if puppet plays are your thing, then there's a 1748 banraku version to satisfy you as well. In Japan, there are numerous made-for-TV versions, which seem to come out every couple of years, often featuring the hottest stars of the day (I believe the last one I heard about starred a SMAP member or two). You'd be hard pressed to find a prominent Japanese actor who hasn't been in one of these film or tv versions. If you are interested in giving the story a whirl, you can read a brief summary here or a summary of the puppet play here. There are several film versions available on DVD in the U.S.: Kenji Mizoguchi's version from 1941 is long, but if you don't mind deliberately paced tracking shots and long shots of loyal samurai at the end of their emotional tether, it will be worth your time. The wartime bushido subtext adds a layer of historical interest to the story. It was originally released in two parts in consequitive years ('41 and '42), notably before the war turned sour for the Imperial forces. Hiroshi Inagaki's version from 1962 is also long (any version of the story will be) but moves a bit faster and is more exciting. To date, though, I haven't come across a good print of it. Another one to consider is Kon Ichikawa's 1994 version which is slower than the Inagaki version, but has some pleasant visuals.

Close-up: Toshiro Mifune

I always loved the introduction of Mifune's character in Samurai Assassin. Just put a camera on him, and he'll take care of the rest. The setting is a meeting amongt members of the Mito faction, who are plotting, through assassination, to topple the Tokugawa government. The head of the Mito faction has determined that there must be a spy among his men. All eyes turn on the one man who is a stranger to most everybody in the group: Tsuruchiyo Niiro (Mifune). His behavior displayed in a series of shots during the credits expresses a lot about his character:

Defiance

Disregard

Burning contempt

Confidence

Alertness

Thirst

This looks like a good one

Basic elements are here: Yûjirô Ishihara (front & center - with a pistol), Hideaki Nitani (on Yujiro's shoulder just below the scar - with a pistol) and Jo Shishido (the guy in the duster with a pistol who is triple-tasking: shooting, smoking and looking cool). Plus, some guy must've orded a knuckle sandwich in the top right corner...and is that a mystery dame in the lower left corner?

Rice Sniffers Anonymous

For years this issue has been swept under the rug - dismissed as just Hanada's problem. But it's time to shine the light of intervention on an addiction that affects between 1 and 100% of all households. Don't be an enabler, report your special loved-one today.

This poster reminds me of the one for Donovan's Reef.

Afraid to Die (1960)

Don't look for the quirky mod stylishness of Suzuki here. Afraid to Die is a straight forward noir story with a few remarkable twists, not the least of which is the choice of lead actor: Yukio Mishima, one of Japan's most famous novelists, best known for slicing his belly open in the Japanese Defense Force HQ in 1970. But in this film, he is afraid to die. He teams up with Japanese New Wave directing sensation, Yasuzo Masumura (Charlie Parsley has previously mentioned two of Masumura's other films: Blind Beast and Hanzo 2: The Snare.) to create this hard hitting depiction of the messed up yakuza underworld.

Takeo Asahina (Yukio Mishima) is torn up inside. He’s a gangster without a gang. Part of him wants to remain a wise guy because that was the way he was raised and it is all he knows, but a smaller nagging part of him wants to get out of the racket, go straight and all that business. It is bad enough that he can’t commit to either path, but what makes it worse is that he’s not a particularly effective gangster. He just spent three years in the pen for stabbing rival mob boss Sagara in a failed assassination attempt. He screwed that up, but hey, it happens sometimes, right? His problem is that he pretty much screws up everything. In short: Takeo is a screw up.

Yusaku Sagara (Jun Negami) is the rival crime boss with a gimp leg he got on account of Takeo. He’s dead set on seeing Takeo dead. Sagara tries to have Takeo whacked in prison, but that fails. He knows it is a matter of kill or be killed so he sends for the asthmatic killer from Hokkaido (see below) to take care of his problem. Beyond that his gang stole some bad cancer drugs from a pharmaceutical company so they can peddle it to unsuspecting pharmacists.

Gohei (Takashi Shimura) is Takeo’s uncle. He’s an old style gangster with the tattoos to prove it. He knows the ways of the code and winces when he sees his nephew dilly-dallying around, talking tough but not acting it. When Takeo says he wants to make some money so he can rebuild the gang and then go after Sagara, Gohei slaps him silly. “First you attack Sagara, then the rest will fall into place!” He then gives Takeo a pistol and tells him to kill Sagara that night.

Aikawa (Eiji Funakoshi) is Takeo’s brother and he’s got other ideas than Gohei. His dad sent him to law school so that he could escape the criminal life. He’s somewhat reticent to cut ties to the lifestyle, just as Takeo is, but pines for a normal life nonetheless. He’s in love with a geeky pharmacist gal who encourages him to leave Tokyo and relocate in Osaka. Takeo calls Aikawa “Brainwave” because of his education. He enjoys the mechanical monkey because it reminds him of himself.

Masako (Yoshie Mizutani) is Takeo’s squeeze who, ahem, waited for him while he was in prison. She’s a nightclub performer who sings a raunchy song about bananas, which, I think might be an accurate reflection of her worldview. She's not much of a singer and not particularly sexy, so it is a relief when Takeo, just out of prison, almost immediately dumps her. "Almost" meaning after sex, of course. He does it for her own good and his, knowing that Sagara might use her to get to him. Anyway, as it turns out, the fling she had been having since Takeo's incarceration, resulted soon after in her pregnancy.

Yoshie Koizumi (Ayako Wakao) is a good girl trying to support herself and her brother (no, she does not resort to prostitution). After Takeo breaks up with Masako, he falls in love with Yoshie. To express his affection he rapes her. Afterwards, he says: “Forgive me…it's just that I like you...” What a guy, that Takeo. She does have feelings for him and eventually bears his child. In case the audience is not already aware that Takeo is a giant ass, he spends a lot of screen time trying to convince (and later trick) Yoshie into having an abortion, fearing the baby might make them more vulnerable to enemy yakuza. He also slaps her around quite a bit. Yet, like a mobster’s wife, she accepts his abuse and remains steadfast in her pursuit to bring out the good in him.

Shoichi Koizumi (shown here in black and blue) is Yoshie’s brother. He’s a commie, but otherwise a decent fellow. He attends labor rallies and can't seem to stay out of trouble, even when he doesn't ask for it. He despises Takeo because of his yakuza lifestyle. Shoichi pays a heavy price for Takeo’s indecision.

Masa (Shigeru Kôyama) is the highlight of the picture. He’s the asthmatic hitman called in from Hokkaido to whack Takeo. In this picture, he's buying some ephedrine, adrenaline and a 2cc hypodermic for his chronic cough. Although the most menacing of the characters, he’s still pretty funny and not a little pathetic. Viewers may remember Shigeru from such gems as Kill! and Samurai Rebellion. He's got a knack for playing worms. Masa goes through life maintaining an arrogant and sinister smirk in between coughs.

The yakuza comes across as looking pretty absurd in this picture, in a manner similar to the gang in Ghost Dog, which is to say that while maintaining some capacity for violence, they are still only shadows of their former selves, gangsters in decline. When Takashi Shimura’s character, Gohei, talks about yakuza life in his day, when the code guided things, the image is romantic. After watching Takeo operate, however, it becomes evident that if the romantic days ever existed, they are over now. That’s not to suggest that they are no longer rotten. They’ll sell poison for profit, beat and rape women, kidnap kids and, of course, try to whack each other out of existence.

A few other notes: Masumura is best known for such avante-garde classics as Giants and Toys (1958) and Blind Beast (1969), the latter being a pretty over the top bizarre surrealistic nightmare. He tones it down a few notches in Afraid To Die. He doesn’t shy away from awkward moments of ugliness, but he also doesn’t make a spectacle of them either. As mentioned before, Afraid To Die is directed in a straightforward manner with a few remarkable elements: besides Mishima, there's an audaciously bungled assassination attempt in the beginning and an excessive death scene on an escalator at the end that form unique bookends to an otherwise generic, though well told, story. The often cold sensibilities regarding some dispicable acts make Afraid To Die stand out in the mind.

Yukio Mishima may have been a great writer, but he was a third rate actor. I’m tempted to say he holds his own in Afraid to Die, but then, not being Japanese, I doubt I’m able to pick up on how awkward some of his mannerisms are. This was his first of four acting appearances, and there are times when it seems evident that he does not know where to set his eyes in relation to the camera. And some of his manners and body language come across and contrived. When he first meets Yoshie and amiably pats her on the shoulder, one can imagine about 80% of the Japanese women watching the film thinking “what the hell did he just do?” as such contact is rare in Japanese society. I suspect Mishima was more concerned portraying American icons like James Dean or Marlon Brando than portraying a troubled yakuza flunky. But who knows, perhaps that was called for in the script.

I liken Mishima’s presence in the film to Bob Dylan in Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid. On the one hand, Dylan is a major cultural icon that is certainly a box office curio, but on the other hand, he cannot act. There is something strangely magnetic about him when he is on screen, but part of that magnetism includes the train wreck factor. He’s a star, but not an actor star. And neither is Mishima. One can imagine that Mishima was a nuisance for Masumura to accommodate in the same way that Dylan was for Peckinpah, with the exception that, in Afraid To Die, Mishima was the lead.

Afraid To Die has some nice location shooting, showing a shopping district called Peace Market as well as landmarks like the (then new) Olympic Arena. It is not a big budget endeavor, but it is realistic. Masumura's depiction of Tokyo, like his depiction of the yakuza, is unapologetic. He's unafraid to show its filth and grime.

Another yakuza poster

Expect to see more posters over the next couple of weeks. They are easy to post and are cool and colorful to look at.

Incidentally, this week, in yakuza oriented news, the mayor of Nagasaki was shot by a yakuza member. The mayor is in critical condition. The motive for the shooting was not clear.

UPDATE: Looks like the mayor did not make it.

Nikkatsu Action Lounge

Lots of fun Nikkatsu materials at this site. Be sure to check out the poster galleries.

Black Tight Killers (1966)

Director Yasuharu Hasebe says in an interview included on the DVD that, although not specifically influenced by western directors, this movie was nevertheless a response to the Bond-mania that was sweeping the world. The latter part of that observation is pretty evident after watching Black Tight Killers, as it seems a parody of a parody, ala Austin Powers, steeped in 60’s goofiness, bright colors, sex and still more goofiness. As with Seijun Suzuki’s work around this time, every nefarious gang has a dance club with lots of young kids bouncing up and down and doing the twist. This film really flaunts its go-go gals, who wear, if you haven't guessed, black tights and go-go wigs. But they will be dealt with later….and I do mean “dealt”.

First, a few notes about the story: there are six spoilers below…six beautiful, yet sinister pussy-cat-like spoilers, clad in....black tights. More on them later.

The film opens by showing the hero, a war photographer named Hondo (Akira Kobayashi) in the middle of a firefight in Vietnam getting shots of colorful candy-like explosions posing, Nikkatsu-style, as something more violent. Thus Hondo’s credentials as an adventurer are firmly battle-tested and established, which is a good thing, too, because how else would we believe that he can wrestle himself free from Octopus Pot? That’s a decisive and deadly move when employed by one of the Black Tight Killers…. whom I will lavish attention on momentarily.

Anyway, on his return to Tokyo, Hondo falls for a stewardess named Yoriko (Chieko Matsubara, also in Tokyo Drifter) who happens to be the daughter of a now deceased man who squirreled away a stash of gold during the war so that the movie would have some sort of plot. None of this is known at the time, of course, but during Hondo’s first dinner with Yoriko, sinister things start happening. Yoriko notices that she is being followed. The man that is following her tries to whisk her away when Hondo’s attention is diverted. Unfortunately, for the kidnapper, three Black Tight Killers descend on him in a in a dark alley. They do a number on his face and leave him there, dead.

Hondo manages to save Yoriko, temporarily, but she is kidnapped again and he spends the better part of the movie trying to find her. He seeks help from an American journalist friend named Pedu or Peter (aka Lopez). Also, along the way, he has several encounters with the elusive Black Tight Killers. The plot thickens and gets tedious as various allies reveal themselves as traitors, and the Black Tight Killers go from being unnerving predators to devoted heroines.
The Black Tight Killers are exquisitely dressed in form hugging uniforms with exposed belly-buttonless midriffs. Who trained them? I’m sure the film said, but it must have been in that hazy middle period of the picture when I quit trying to decipher some of the hard to read subtitles. The important thing is that they were trained. Each girl is skilled in the use of razor sharp 45s that invariably miss the target (when that target is Hondo) only to stick menacingly in the wall. They are also skilled in the use or razor sharp tape measures that they use to slash Hondo’s tie to within an inch of its life. They chew blinding bubble gum, which they can spit in the eye of their prey, should such action be necessary. But their deadliest weapon seems to be the inner thigh. A Black Tight Killer will lure her victim to this trap by playing cold and vulnerable, at first, then audaciously horny. By the time the victim is seduced into range, crunch! Octopus Pot is initiated and the victim only has moments to live! But when killing is not their aim, they ably apprehend their man and restrain him in a golden steambox with a busty neck rest in order to interrogate him.

When the girls switch to your side, though, you won’t find more cooperative, self-sacrificing allies. If you are captured by the real enemy, you could have no better fortune than being tied up with one of these ladies, especially if the real enemy leaves the Black Tight Killer's inner thighs unrestrained. Once she gets the guard’s cranium between her adductor mangus and adductor longus and she constricts her gracilis, the only remaining business is to determine what type of flowers to send to the poor sap’s funeral. Next, she will probably signal another Black Tight Killer who's waiting on a nearby rooftop with some explosive golfballs she's itching to chip into the enemy's window. And where there is a Black Tight Killer, a getaway car is usually not far away.

Unfortunately these girls are not trained well enough. The Black Tight Killers can and do kill, but the nomenclature is somewhat misleading as they are far more adept at getting killed. Only one-in-six Black Tight Killers is denied a death scene and that is not because she escapes death. Instead, she dies in a fiery car crash and isn’t afforded that moment where she can say something tender to Hondo, like the rest of the gals.

Because, deep down, past the intimidating Black Tights and the deadly inner thighs, these girls are essentially pussycats craving the same thing: affection. They were trained to kill because they never met the right man. And Hondo is the right man.

So let's take a look at their final tender moments:

Black Tight Killer #1
Black Tight Killer #2
Black Tight Killer #3
Black Tight Killer #4
Black Tight Killer #5
Black Tight Killer #6
The Back Tight Killers die at such regular intervals that you can virtually set your watch by them. At one point, the last remaining Black Tight Killer laments: "I'm the last one left" and the audience knows that the film is exactly one Black Tight Killer from the end. The total running time of the film is 87 minutes – or, 6 Black Tight Killers. If you run to the store, you can tell the spouse that you will return in about three Black Tight Killers. So on and so forth…..

A not so recent environmental study has concluded that unless proper laws are enacted and people change their wasteful habits, the Black Tight Killer will be extinct by the end of 1966. We should have listened!
Black Tight Killers offers so much on the campy 60s sexploitation scale that it should not be missed by fans of that type of fare. With obvious influence from Goldfinger, there is an erotic dance of two gold gilted figures that is...fascinating. There is also an echo of From Russia With Love when Hondo manages to down an enemy chopper with a bamboo bazooka. (I don’t remember Q giving Bond a standard issue bamboo bazooka, but I’ll let the comparison stand.) But this film goes beyond Bond and shows yet another ingenious Black Tight Killer device: the bra bomb. I’m no hero, but if one of these was tossed in a room, I would not hesitate to jump on it….for the safety of my fellow man, of course. But I’m getting off track…

At the end of the adventure, Yoriko, after being kidnapped two or three times, stripped to her skivvies once or twice and given the Maaco treatment, is finally free to develop her relationship with Hondo. No doubt relieved that the yakuza is no longer after the treasure and that all of the Black Tight Killers have spent themselves into oblivion, Yoriko asks Hondo, with a tinge of jealousy and curiosity, if he slept with one of those girls. Hondo, recalling that delicious fear being at the mercy of Octopus Pot, admits he shagged one of them rotten. Yoriko, who hitherto could not have thrown a punch to save her life, literally, smack him square on the nose. All is forgiven as the titles roll across the screen.

A lot of what I said about Tokyo Drifter could be applied to Black Tight Killers. Hasebe worked as an assistant director to Suzuki before making this first feature film. Suzuki's influence shows. That this particular film pleased the suits at Nikkatsu while simultaneous efforts by Suzuki were leading him into exile, is something I do not fully understand. It is a curious passing of the baton. Hasebe would wean himself away from this style, but in Black Tight Killers he has all that same playfulness of Suzuki, if not all the smooth edges. Several of his sequences are inspired, the most notable being a short dream sequence that is reminiscent of pink elephants on parade. But ultimately, Hasebe does not quite achieve the sureness of Suzuki.

Movies such as this and Tokyo Drifter are good ornaments for a room if you are entertaining guests. Black Tight Killers is pleasant enough to watch without interruption, but just a pleasant with interruption since it always has something colorful and alluring on the screen, and since it does not spend much time making an airtight intriguing plot, it does not necessarily matter what happened before or after. It naturally lends itself to casual viewing. Best served with dried fish snacks and Asahi beer.