Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Finknottle has graced us with his presence once more

Apparently the threats from our legal department have worked and it turns out that Finknottle would sell the hyde of his own mother to not get deported. We are still not entirely sure where he's from, but his papers are not at all in order.

We had an intervention. We went over his evaluation reports and to say his performance came up short is an overstatement. Copy is routinely submitted late, if at all, and generally so short or so beyond comprehension that it cannot be used. According to recent data, Finknottle has the highest reader suicide rate of all Advice Columnists. His work space is a mess that interrupts the general chi and productivity of the office, particularly his drawers full of narcotics.

And to top it off, his often treats his assistant inhumanely.

So we laid down the gauntlet: More coherent words, a cleaner workspace (the opium can stay for now), and better treatment of his assistant. We realize he is performing a job that Americans would prefer not do, but potential replacements are crossing the border every day.

4 comments:

Ideasware said...

Dear fellows,

Having run across you at random (which must be quite the typical situation, judging by the post/comment ratio, which seems to be asymptotic to the X axis), I just wanted you to understand that your sense of humor is disturbing and lovable. I am quite charmed.

Oh and the little word verification puzzle was spookily difficult.

Peter

Finknottle said...

I thanke you for your kinde words. I ply my trade at the Intersection of gibbering fools and incoherent genius, and it can often be hard to hail a cab in such a place. But I do it not for the recognition, although that falls like rain on my roof, but for the sense of nulle prosequi and, how do you say it in the States? "Oojah-cum-spiff", is the phrase I want if I'm not mistaken.

And if you like spookily difficulte word puzzles, try to make sense of my Editore's headlines soemtime.

Finknottle

Sassy Wench said...

Oops, my fault again. Fink's too much of a gentleman (I know, you're snorting beer through your nose right now) to say it, but I've been keeping him, ahem, "busy" for days on end attending to MY needs, rather than his dear readers. But I'm done with him for the moment, so you can have him back for a while while I go seek medical attention and get an Rx for antibiotics. Smoke him while you got him!

Sassy Wench

Charlie Parsley said...

Indeed, Finknottle, your prose is a confusingly pleasant amusement.