Apparently the threats from our legal department have worked and it turns out that Finknottle would sell the hyde of his own mother to not get deported. We are still not entirely sure where he's from, but his papers are not at all in order.
We had an intervention. We went over his evaluation reports and to say his performance came up short is an overstatement. Copy is routinely submitted late, if at all, and generally so short or so beyond comprehension that it cannot be used. According to recent data, Finknottle has the highest reader suicide rate of all Advice Columnists. His work space is a mess that interrupts the general chi and productivity of the office, particularly his drawers full of narcotics.
And to top it off, his often treats his assistant inhumanely.
So we laid down the gauntlet: More coherent words, a cleaner workspace (the opium can stay for now), and better treatment of his assistant. We realize he is performing a job that Americans would prefer not do, but potential replacements are crossing the border every day.